How To Be Confident Without Being Cocky
The difference is not what you think...
“Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way you are right.” -Henry Ford
My father traumatized me.
When I was 4 years old, I believed in myself.
If I wanted to do something, I believed that I could do it. I was so uninhibited.
It was not that I did not think I could fail. I just thought that failure did not matter that much.
So, whenever I was presented with a challenge or an obstacle, I would say something like “I can do that, dad. Watch.”
His response: “Stop being so arrogant. You are going to have a hard time getting people to like you if you talk like that.”
At first, I would just shrug it off. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” I would think to myself.
But after a decade of growing up under his roof, hearing that refrain, I developed a complex. I became deeply afraid of coming across as cocky. According to my dad, being arrogant would guarantee that I would die alone, friendless.
My deepest fear.
So naturally, I began to second-guess every aspect of my life.
“…maybe I can’t do this” became my default way of thinking.
I have spent the last 20 years of my life de-programming this line of thinking. Now, I fully understand how to exhibit confidence without coming across a cocky.
Understanding the difference between cockiness and confidence will transform the way you network and build partnerships. If you fail to grasp this concept, you can unintentionally kill your reputation.
If I had understood this 20 years ago, I think I would be even farther along in my career than I am right now.
Want to learn the difference? Keep reading.
Why Confidence Matters
Confidence fuels action. Without confidence, you will fail to act. If you fail to act, you will create nothing. If you create nothing, your dreams will never materialize.
You must develop confidence in order to in the direction of your wildest dreams.
Confidence is KEY.
So, what is the difference between cockiness and confidence??
Cocky vs. Confident
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines these two terms as follows:
Cocky (adjective): boldly or brashly self-confident
Confidence (adjective): full of conviction
Comparing these definitions highlights how these two terms can be easily confused.
A statement like “I will to go to the Juilliard School someday” can easily be received as “brashly self-confident” or “full of conviction” depending on the tone, body language, context of the conversation, and more.
Definitions aren’t enough. Vibes are unreliable measurements.
There is a much easier way to distinguish the different between these two adjectives.
Here is true the difference.
Cockiness is confidence WITHOUT accountability.
Let us use the previous example of “I will to go to the Juilliard School someday.”
A cocky person:
Does not have a clear plan.
Does not provide others with updates on their progress.
Acts as if failure is not a possibility.
A confident person:
Develops a plan of action with clear steps and goals.
Believes in themselves, working tirelessly to complete the necessary steps to achieve their vision.
Owns their failures, seeks to learn from them, and immediately gets back to work.
How do I know this? From personal experience.
My first content series: #JourneyToJuilliard
Back in late 2013/early 2014, I created this hashtag to chronicle my journey of auditioning for a Master Degree program at one of the world’s most exclusive classical music conservatories.
Spicy, right?
A LOT of people in my life saw this and thought “ohhhhh he’s cocky, huh?”
My grandmother told my mom to tell me to stop posting to this hashtag.
When I eventually got into Juilliard, I was notoriously known as “the hashtag kid.”
I was deeply misunderstood, and I was miserable.
Luckily, I developed a few close friends who saw what I was trying to do: create my own musical career path.
By publicly sharing my dreams for my future and posting my progress to the internet, I was holding myself accountable. I was producing content like it was my job.
I have failed publicly MANY MANY times, and I have shared those failures openly. (I wrote about a few of them in The Day(s) I Almost Quit Viola. Give it a read after this one).
Here is how you can become confident while avoiding becoming cocky.
How To Never Come Across As Cocky
Hold yourself publicly accountable.
That’s it.
Confidence is believing you can achieve something.
Here is how you exhibit confidence over cockiness:
Develop a plan
Execute as many shots on goal as possible
Fail often
Learn from failure and readjust your aim
Be willing to share your notes with the class
If you fail, tell people. Show them how you failed, and what you plan to do to avoid failure in the future.
Cockiness would never.
It’s just that simple. But simple does not mean that it is easy.
That is why you are reading this newsletter. You do not believe in doing what is easy—you believe in doing what is right.
Commit to holding yourself accountable and you will never have to worry about being misunderstood.
And even if people do see you as cocky, you can rest easy in knowing that they did not take the time to see where you’re coming from.
Building In Public
ThatViolaKid Productions
I am looking to fill an internship for a part-time assistant to help me scale my operations. If you are or someone you know might be interested in this opportunity, reply to this email
I will be performing in Martha’s Vineyard for a Cartier event next week! I will be performing solo with background music and everything!
I aim to schedule more time to practice and create more content.
Whole Soul Music LLC
I am continuing to develop our standard operating procedures for every aspect of our business. It is a daunting project, but I am excited to be building my business.
We have a new single dropping next month. Stay tuned!!!
Drew Alexander Forde
I am performing at the Hollywood Bowl tomorrow! Come check it out if you’re in town and wanna see some Broadway tunes!
That is all for now, family. Thanks for reading and I will talk to you next Friday!
Drew
We adults often forget just how much power our words can have on the young people who look up to us. We can also forget we are adults now, not those children who needed so much outside validation, and we can define our own selves. I'm glad you have been unlearning the negative programming you received. Isn't being an adult awesome?!
Perhaps you would have been further along in your career, had you learned these lessons long ago. Perhaps not. But knowing you the way I do, I am sure you did the best you could have done back then with what you knew at that time, and that's all anyone can do.