How I Make Networking Fun
It's not what you know, it's who you know.
“Yo, is your quartet available next week to come record for Hozier?”
It’s October 2022.
My quartet wholesoul lost one of our violinists to another quartet 2 months ago. We were in crisis: find a new violinist, or die.
In spite of this, I’m on the other side of the phone from a man that I met at a session 1 month ago. He is giving us a shot to record for an A-list musician with billions of Spotify streams.
Some would say this is impossible; I am here to tell you that it was inevitable.
Welcome to Grace Notes, the newsletter that helps you navigate the music industry more gracefully. Today’s topic: Networking (queue the ominous lightning and thunder)
In this week’s newsletter, I’m going to break down how I connect with people to create opportunities for my business and my career.
Networking has a very slimly connotation where I come from (the Classical Music world). People from my tribe view it as a necessary evil that must be undertaken in order to grow in the industry. We view it like eating frozen vegetables that you didn’t leave in the microwave long enough: soggy, cold, and utterly unappetizing.
If you feel this way, I get it.
Now stop it.
Business is about serving people. You can’t serve people if you don’t know what they need. You can’t serve people that you don’t fully understand. And if you don’t serve people, you’re missing out on the joy of purposeful collaboration.
My 3-step System for Networking
Step 1: Build Rapport
I build rapport with absolute strangers through banter. Dictionary.com describes banter as “an exchange of light, playful, teasing remarks; good-natured raillery.” In other words, focus on having fun when you’re speaking with new people.
Tools that I’ve used to develop my ability to banter:
Improv comedy classes at Upright Citizens Brigade. In 2019, I took two full courses at UCB, and they fundamentally changed the way that I communicate with others.
A quick primer on improv:
A conversation is a reality that you’re building with your partner. Every syllable they utter has purpose. By validating what they say (yes-and’ing), you give their words meaning.
Partner: “Man, it’s raining cats and dogs outside. I hope it doesn’t end up flooding.”
You: “Ahhh sick, I’ve been looking for a chance to practice my breast stroke.”
Always operate at your highest level of knowledge.
Avoid disagreement, even if your counterpart is wrong. Someone will correct them eventually, but it doesn’t have to be you. You win nothing by arguing with strangers.
Read “How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.” I’ve read this book 4 different times over the past 10 years. This book will be an essential guide to getting along with anyone instantly.
Sarcasm. Really.
The goal is to come across as a professional, but one that knows how to have a good time and doesn’t take themselves too seriously. It reduces the awkwardness and helps people open up.
A small dose of self-deprecating humor. Being willing and able to laugh at yourself signals deeps confidence and trustworthiness.
Step 2: Ask Thoughtful Questions and Actively Listen
Instead of asking the standard question “what do you do for work,” I instead ask people “what gives you joy?” People love talking about their passions. Inviting them to share those passions with you is a cheat code.
Other awesome ice-breaker questions are:
“If you won the lottery tomorrow, what is the first thing you would do?”
“What did you think you were going to be when you were in elementary school?”
“Who would you invite to your dream dinner party, living or dead?”
“What’s your weapon of choice in a zombie apocalypse?”
“If you were in the WWE, what would be your entrance song?”
“If you could add anyone to Mount Rushmore who would it be; why?”
The point of asking thoughtful questions is to get at the heart of the person you’re speaking to. What do they value? Who do they value? What are their dreams?
The quickest way to get people to love you is to demonstrate that you have listened to them. Show them that you care about what they think. The old axiom “people don’t care what you know until they know that you care” is true as ever.
DO NOT plan what you’re going to say in response to their answers. Instead, let them speak fully and completely.
When they finish responding, pause for 7 seconds. Let there be silence. It’s gonna be a bit awkward, but lean into it.
Consider what they said a deeply as you can. Oftentimes, you’ll find that they fill the silence with further elaboration, or they might flip the question on you.
If they ask for your perspective, say something like “before I answer, I wanted to respond to what you just said. That’s so fascinating.” Rephrase what they said back to them and to confirm that you understand.
Once you’ve done that, then you can share what you think.
Step 3: Give
While actively listening to your conversational counterpart, you may recognize that they may mention a problem, challenge, or obstacle that they’re currently facing. After absorbing and validating what they have to say, search your brain to see if you can think of anyone or anything that you personally know that might be able to address the problem, challenge, or obstacle.
People might gloss over their problems. Pay attention and try not to miss these nuggets. Identify the obstacles and focus on connecting your partner with the resources that might help them.
The only goal is to learn about someone new, and possibly make a new friend. That’s it.
If you can find a way to make your new friend’s a little bit easier, do it without hesitation and with zero expectation.
Exchange information, facilitate the connection with your resource(s), and step away (cue the explosion and sunglasses).
Rinse and Repeat.
Action Items
Make the commitment to go to every networking event you can. I dare you. Seek them out. Ask your friends about get-togethers. Try this out as many times as you possibly can….and wait.
For the best results, aim to go to at least one networking event per week.
You will be absolutely blown away by the opportunities that fall in your lap. You have no control over the outcome. Focus ONLY on the inputs and improving as a conversationalist. Rest assured, this practice will be rewarded in ways you can’t even imagine.
Use the icebreaker questions from Step 2 when you meet new people!
Focus on pausing when people answer your question. Be thoughtful and push through the awkwardness of the silence. Use your brain to try and find ways to add value to this person’s life.
FOLLOW UP. If someone gives you a business card, email them that same evening. Bonus points if you can connect them with people already in your network that can assist them.
The Takeaway
It is said that your net worth is determined by your network. I fully agree with this sentiment. Demonstrate that you’re a person of value by learning how you can assist others. Becoming known as someone who can connect the dots will make you more powerful than you can imagine.
You’re not as good a listener as you think you are. Trust me. Focus on improving your ability to ask thoughtful questions that excite your conversational counterparts.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. Joke around, banter, employ sarcasm, and enjoy getting to know new people and making new friends.
Bonus tip: focus on being interested instead of interesting. If you can be the former, you’ll paradoxically come across as the latter
In Other News…
I played principal viola at Capitol Records for The Beatles last year. They just came out with one final song called “Now and Then.” You can listen to it here:
If you watch this documentary, you might be able to catch a glimpse of me at 8:50.
One Final Question
What sort of topics would you like me to cover in this newsletter? I really want to deliver value that YOU are looking for, so feel free to reply to this email. I read them all!
That’s all for now, fam. Love you, and talk to you again next Friday,
-TVK
Hi Drew! I loved reading this post. A great book about networking is Reach Out by Molly Beck and all about reaching out to people that you know vs. friends of friends, if you're looking for a new networking book to read or listen to!