The Day(s) I Almost Quit Viola
An argument for failing forward.
Today’s email newsletter was brought to you by…me!
This week, I dropped my first digital product: a sample pack.
You can hear some of the loops on my Soundcloud
If you want to support my work, you can buy the sample pack on Gumroad.
In today’s newsletter, I am going to share some of the most painful rejections I’ve received in my short career as a professional violist.
By the end, you will learn how these rejections have shaped me into the artist I am today.
You’ll also learn why I believe that “success” is about sticking to your guns and being stubborn as a motherf*cker.
Halfway through the summer of 2009, I received this email from my teacher.
Tears were rolling down my cheeks before I even started the 3rd sentence.
This email came during a time when money was tight. My mom, raising my brother and I alone at this point, had her hands full. She was:
Working the early 3am shift at Target
Getting her degree online
Tending to a family friend in the hospital
Taking me to a local summer festival for rehearsals, coaching, and concerts, and
Putting dinner on the table every night.
Gas prices were killing our budget and mom had to make hard decisions.
Since I was already attending a local summer music festival (Franklin Pond Chamber Music), we requested to pause a few of weeks of lessons with my teacher while we were juggling everything. We just couldn’t afford the gas.
My teacher understood and she agreed to the pause.
Three or four weeks after the pause, my mom told me to email my teacher to ask if we could resume lessons for the coming week. This message was waiting for me at the top of my inbox.
My teacher at the time was the most sought-after viola teacher in the southeast. Her students were the best. Many of them even went on to conservatory after high school. This too was my goal.
I felt betrayed.
I couldn’t believe that she saw me this way. She was the best teacher in town—she knew what she was talking about. And in her eyes, I was a failure.
I thought: “If she thinks I cannot make it, I should quit.”
And I did…for about a day.
And then it was back to work. I started studying with a man named Paul Murphy, and my life turned around.
The Moral:
My teacher’s vision for my future didn’t align with my vision for my future. I refused to let her define who I would become.
Every day I touch my viola, I prove her wrong.
While at Juilliard, I got another big rejection.
Performing with the Sphinx Virtuosi was my dream.
A chamber orchestra composed of Black and Latino string players, Sphinx Virtuosi is one of best classical ensembles in America. Period. I first saw them perform while I was in Macon for my undergraduate studies.
Sphinx Virtuosi was the most beautiful, inspiring thing I’d ever seen.
I had a hard time making black friends as a Classical Musician. I was too white for most black people. And I was too black for everyone else.
Getting the chance to play with the Virtuosi felt like my only chance to connect with people who were like me. It was my only chance to feel less alone.
The prerequisite for playing in the Sphinx Virtuosi is to audition for the Sphinx competition and place in the semi-finals.
This email is from my 3rd and final unsuccessful audition. I never got past pre-screening—not even once.
And now that I’m 32, I’ll never get the chance.
Failure.
The Moral:
Institutions cannot validate you. You must do that yourself.
After Juilliard, I had a bold vision for my future.
I decided that I would not pursue an orchestra job like many of my friends. My true passion in life has always been chamber music.
My passion for this craft forced me to ask tough questions like:
How the heck can I make chamber music cool?
How can I tell engaging stories from the stage in a way that captivate audiences?
How can I become the Neil deGrasse Tyson of Classical Music in the way that I envisioned myself?
Or, the biggest question of all, how can I truly create a sustainable career as an artist?
I asked around and I kept hearing about a program called Ensemble ACJW.
Maybe they could help me answer some of these questions…
“Ensemble ACJW is a two-year fellowship program designed to prepare the world’s finest young musicians for careers that combine musical excellence with teaching, community engagement, advocacy, and leadership. It offers performance opportunities and residencies in New York City and beyond, yearlong partnerships within New York City public schools, and intensive professional development.”
On top of that, the gig also paid.
Bingo! Sign me the f*ck up!
I poured my heart and soul into preparing for this audition and…
…another door closed in my face.
I’m a Juilliard graduate, and I’m spiraling:
Why am I unable to get past pre-screening?
What is wrong with me?
What’s wrong with my playing?
Why doesn’t anyone want me?
Is there something wrong with me?
Do I not deserve to pursue music as a career?
What if I just quit?
The only thing that helped me keep the faith was my Instagram audience.
By this point in my life, I had around 20,000 followers. I couldn’t be all bad.
Surely, my time will come, right?
The moral:
Continuing in the face of rejection is an act of rebellion. Rebels change the world.
After performing a cruise ship contract in 2018, I decided to leave New York City and move to Los Angeles.
It was time to fully commit to my dream of playing other genres of music and starting a string quartet.
I moved to LA to become an Extra-Classical Musician.
The moment I got here, I knew LA was different. The work was diverse. I was playing with rock bands, jazz artists, pop singers, school orchestras, and everything between.
I once played Baroque music dressed as a medieval knight in a tiny Echo Park theater for like $150. Shit was crazy.
But the money was slow. I needed to make more, but I didn’t know how.
If only there was a program for black string players like me. A program where you could play with a top-tier orchestra, gain mentorship from world-class artists, and secure a financial foothold in this amazing town that I wanted to make my home.
Enter the LA Phil Resident Fellows Program
This was it. A secure job, tailor-made for a Juilliard-trained professional like me. If I could win the audition, I could:
Perform with the LA Phil under Music & Artistic Director Gustavo Dudamel for at least 20 weeks of each season.
Participate in orchestral, chamber music, new music, and education concerts performed at Walt Disney Concert Hall, the Hollywood Bowl, and in community settings
Tour with the LA Phil
Make money with other benefits:
Weekly salary
Fellowship stipend to cover additional living/housing expenses
Benefits (life, health, dental, disability, and instrument insurance)
Reimbursement for semi-monthly private lessons
A travel stipend for reasonable audition travel
Mentorship with an LA Phil musician
Opportunity to engage with LA Phil’s innovative Education and Community Programs
THIS WAS IT. This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. I’ve been practicing every day, just waiting for an opportunity like this to appear for me.
Failure. Again.
Just like I thought. I should probably quit. I really don’t have what it takes, do I?
The Moral:
If no one will bet on you, you must bet on yourself.
I said this at the beginning of the newsletter: this is not an exhaustive list of all the rejection letters I’ve received since graduating from Juilliard.
In fact, other than my audition for Lincoln Center Stage, I haven’t won a single audition since Juilliard. In fact, I haven’t even gotten past the preliminary round of any audition I’ve taken since 2018.
Not a single won audition in more than 6 years.
And yet, I still did not quit.
Today, I make a living playing music full-time.
It only happened because I believed that it was possible.
In the face of every failed audition, I had this voice in my head telling me not to quit. I had a delusional belief in myself that I would make it if I just kept going.
Reality is brutal. It will make your path difficult and painful. It will tell you that you’re not good enough. It will beat you down and tell you to change.
All I can say is this: if you’re willing to do the work, stay patient, and believe in yourself, you can punch reality in the teeth.
Reality will tell you to change. You must have courage to fight back and say:
“no. YOU change.”
You’re the author of your own story.
Institutions, family, strangers—they’ll all have opinions about what you should do.
They will tell you that you are this, or that you are that.
They will advise you to pursue this path or ignore that path.
It is all bullshit. The only opinion that matters is your own.
Consider the source:
Have they walked the path that I envision for myself?
Do they lead a life that I want to live?
Will they care if I ignore them?
Do they care if I win without them?
At the end of the day, you’re the only one who has to live with the consequences of your actions.
To hell with their opinions.
Be sure that the choices you make are moving you closer to the vision you have for your future, not the vision someone else has for your future.
Building in Public
wholesoul
Struggling to come up with the money to fund a collaboration with a dope singer.
We were hoping to perform for a client with musician outside of our group. The client decided that they wanted musician instead of us, so we lost the client…
Sent quotations to 2 new leads.
Wrote some original music with Daniel. It’s a start.
ThatViolaKid Productions
Dropped my very first digital product. I can’t believe I was putting it off for so long. I can’t wait to make another one.
Received my very first solo wedding inquiry! I’ve built an hour-long cocktail hour set and I can’t wait to deliver. I need to generate a quotation for the planner
Connect with a social media manager that I want to work with. Now I just need to save up the money…
I’m chasing down a client that I wrote, recorded, and shot a video for. There was no payment, and now it doesn’t seem like I’m going to get credit either…
Played principal for a session for this artist named Mergui. His voice is so amazing, and the music was fuego! Can’t wait for this ish to drop.
Updated my website
Wrote and recorded strings for an artist in the UK named Kane. He’s such a nice guy and I’ve had so much fun working with him. I want to write and remote record more!
Drew Alexander Forde
Performing with Riverside Philharmonic this week! We’re playing a lot of music by black composers. Pretty dope. Also, my friend Chris Woods is premiering his Violin Concerto. It’s SICK—I truly think it has a chance to become a staple of the repertoire someday.
Drove down to SD to fix the espresso machine I got for Michelle. We got it working, but it’s also stopped working again so idk what to do. LOL
I got asked to perform back at Mercer with the orchestra in a couple months. I think I’ma do it—I wanna see my family.
Going to an EP release party for my homie Bad Snacks. I’m so excited to pull up and support!
Two things stood out to me in your rejection stories:
1. You are a tenacious so-and-so. I'm treading those rejection-filled waters in my web developer career, and I've decided I wanna be like you when I grow up.
2. We never know what battles someone is fighting outside of our interactions with them, so we need to be kind rather than writing them off.
Drew, I can't believe anyone would ever question your commitment to your craft. I have always been so impressed by your work ethic and drive. I'm so glad you never quit - you are truly a light in the world! - your stand partner from way back when